HOW TO GROW A MUSTACHE

Alright dummies. I keep get emails for lame douche dudes asking me how to make a man-sized stache. Now any qwiff can grow a pencil dash across his top lip and pretend to be a cowboy. What I'm talking about is taking a shot at the title, talkin' about putting a brick through the other guy's windshield...I'm talking about taking it out and chopping it up.

If you want a little extra space to be a man, partner up with a real stache. Here is my receipe for girthy growth:

1. Feed your dog 6 cans of Hormel Chilly
2. Collect his shit piles for an entire day
3. Bake those shit piles in the oven at 375 for 25 minutes
4. Remove and let cool for 1 min
5. Dip fingers in and sanchez yourself
6. Listen to "Voices" by Hall & Oates & J-Stache straight through, VINYL ONLY!
7. Repeat for 3 days in a row
8. Email your results to ridethemustacheATgmailDOTcom

You're welcome.

(From a rock n' soul icon who invented music television only to have it
stolen by corporate hacks)

J-Stache

Post-Script: Louis B...I expect big things from you.


Bookmark this on Delicious