tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-64103525222674505332024-03-13T07:16:13.123-04:00Ride The MustacheLet's be clear. I'm running this blog to get more chicks. If you are some weird fetish dude looking to party, those days are gone for me man. One day, I just started hanging out with Oates again after like two decades, so be cool freak.J-Stachehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17548900502056317613noreply@blogger.comBlogger91125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6410352522267450533.post-26115662802257707082010-03-17T16:24:00.002-04:002010-03-17T16:33:01.379-04:00POPDOSE SAYS "RUN J-STACHE, RUN IS THE SINGLE BEST...VIDEO GAME I'VE EVER PLAYED IN MY LIFE"<a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/_HTZh7IwXkqU/S6E8cCMFtqI/AAAAAAAAAK4/fJ7azuQK_IA/s1600-h/girlpile+copy.jpg"><img style="display: block; margin: 0px auto 10px; text-align: center; cursor: pointer; width: 400px; height: 300px;" src="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/_HTZh7IwXkqU/S6E8cCMFtqI/AAAAAAAAAK4/fJ7azuQK_IA/s400/girlpile+copy.jpg" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5449703476416591522" border="0" /></a><br />WORD BITCHES!!! CHECK IT OUT HERE: <a href="http://popdose.com/video-game-review-run-j-stache-run/">POPDOSE</a>J-Stachehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17548900502056317613noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6410352522267450533.post-13994804066521548262010-03-15T12:21:00.003-04:002010-03-15T12:41:48.793-04:00BE A SMOKER, DON'T HIRE ONEWhile I was "away", the nitwits at my company made a HR video that helps indoctrinate new hires at J-Stache Industries. For the record, I did not approve putting more deadbeats on the payroll and I certainly would not have given gigs to another crop of buckethead weed-ies like these bums. Remember kids, everybody love burnouts and all but nobody wants one working for them. Congratulations on your scholarship to F.U. Enjoy:<br /><br /><object width="512" height="328" classid="clsid:d27cdb6e-ae6d-11cf-96b8-444553540000" id="ordie_player_3ce2e8fb40"><param name="movie" value="http://player.ordienetworks.com/flash/fodplayer.swf"><param name="flashvars" value="key=3ce2e8fb40"><param name="allowfullscreen" value="true"><param name="allowscriptaccess" value="always"></param><embed width="512" height="328" flashvars="key=3ce2e8fb40" allowfullscreen="true" allowscriptaccess="always" quality="high" src="http://player.ordienetworks.com/flash/fodplayer.swf" name="ordie_player_3ce2e8fb40" type="application/x-shockwave-flash"></embed></object><div style="text-align:left;font-size:x-small;margin-top:0;width:512px;"><a href="http://www.funnyordie.com/videos/3ce2e8fb40/j-stache-industries" title="from JStache">J-Stache Industries</a> - watch more <a href="http://www.funnyordie.com/" title="on Funny or Die">funny videos</a></div>J-Stachehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17548900502056317613noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6410352522267450533.post-27606454322010404892010-03-12T11:43:00.005-05:002010-03-12T13:12:58.997-05:00HEY BANKER CHICKS! FLASH ME SOME LADY LUMPS!<a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/_HTZh7IwXkqU/S5qEEnhgihI/AAAAAAAAAKw/ogBjnGV3TE4/s1600-h/WSJ+Article.jpg"><img style="margin: 0px auto 10px; display: block; text-align: center; cursor: pointer; width: 362px; height: 400px;" src="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/_HTZh7IwXkqU/S5qEEnhgihI/AAAAAAAAAKw/ogBjnGV3TE4/s400/WSJ+Article.jpg" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5447811914121906706" border="0" /></a><br />I was totally in the Wall Street Journal today. And not like last time, where those savage bastards profiled the demise of my experimental fertilizer company after a small methane accident.<br /><br />This time, I'm all inked up over making Oates famous for like the 300th time. HEY OATES!! No box of chocolate? No emails?<br /><br />Anyway, check my shit out bitches! <a href="http://online.wsj.com/article/SB10001424052748703701004575113950047325236.html">WALL STREET JOURNAL PIMPAGE</a>J-Stachehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17548900502056317613noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6410352522267450533.post-14063382640723080862010-01-28T15:51:00.004-05:002010-01-28T16:02:39.998-05:00Yes I'm out of the jointYes. It's true. I was arrested for dumping out in P.Diddy's cornflakes at the SLS Hotel in LA around Christmas. Yes, I now know what a Columbian Plate Job is. Yes, you don't want to know. Chino is a motherfucker for sure<br /><br />I am back. I have several big swinging dick announcements to make that will definitely smash on your grill. Stay tuned.<br /><br />J-Stache, over.J-Stachehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17548900502056317613noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6410352522267450533.post-68909138137566315502009-11-11T17:07:00.003-05:002009-11-11T17:19:02.131-05:00STEVEN TYLER IS THE RAINBOW...AGAIN!!!!<object height="344" width="425"><param name="movie" value="http://www.youtube.com/v/lC7EK68tdEY&hl=en&fs=1&"><param name="allowFullScreen" value="true"><param name="allowscriptaccess" value="always"><embed src="http://www.youtube.com/v/lC7EK68tdEY&hl=en&fs=1&" type="application/x-shockwave-flash" allowscriptaccess="always" allowfullscreen="true" height="344" width="425"></embed></object><br /><br />Your welcome bitches. I just put AMERICA'S-MOST-BAD-ASSED-PANTY-DROPPINIST-COLD-SMACKING-FOOLS-WORD-UP-MOFUCKY band in all the land back together. Yes. J-Stache, once again, not only starting the fire but smoking the bacon that saves your breakfast. All it took was a few sips of my special sauce and Steven was The Rainbow again. I expect my Rock n' Roll Hall of Fame nod imminently.<br /><br />Back in that saddle suckas,<br />J-StacheJ-Stachehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17548900502056317613noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6410352522267450533.post-64651113524440237062009-11-02T10:32:00.002-05:002009-11-02T10:48:57.378-05:00THE DANGERS OF DUNGEONS & DRAGONS<a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/_HTZh7IwXkqU/Su772hnNCxI/AAAAAAAAAKo/DUdCxolnb8A/s1600-h/homemade-superhero-costumes.jpg"><img style="margin: 0px auto 10px; display: block; text-align: center; cursor: pointer; width: 400px; height: 300px;" src="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/_HTZh7IwXkqU/Su772hnNCxI/AAAAAAAAAKo/DUdCxolnb8A/s400/homemade-superhero-costumes.jpg" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5399529917418113810" border="0" /></a>I can't stress this enough, nerds need to be isolated and shamed into coolness. When they get into groups, they spend all kinds of time making homemade superhero costumes, hoping it will translate into nailing their Molly Ringwald inspired crush. This is painfully untrue. Nerd collectives only empower their douchey instincts. And there has been no greater perpetrator of nerd gatherings than Dungeons & Dragons. Do what you can to save these pale future lab rats from a life of celibate desperation. Go to the closet and banish those board games to the garbage.<br /><br />I care about us,<br />J-StacheJ-Stachehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17548900502056317613noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6410352522267450533.post-71252909390933201502009-10-28T12:37:00.003-04:002009-10-28T12:45:03.399-04:00ELLIE BURNBAUM & HER SON JEREMY<a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/_HTZh7IwXkqU/SuhzmLj7OyI/AAAAAAAAAKg/iCOXiimmvfw/s1600-h/chunuky.jpg"><img style="margin: 0px auto 10px; display: block; text-align: center; cursor: pointer; width: 309px; height: 400px;" src="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/_HTZh7IwXkqU/SuhzmLj7OyI/AAAAAAAAAKg/iCOXiimmvfw/s400/chunuky.jpg" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5397691253179235106" border="0" /></a><br />TRANSLATION:<br />------------<br />Dear J-Stache,<br /><br /><span style="font-style: italic;">My Mom says you gave here a special gift...so I'm writing to you with my Hanukkah list. Thanks!</span><br /><br /><span style="font-style: italic;">1) $100 savings bond</span><br /><span style="font-style: italic;">2) Super Bots Lego</span><br /><span style="font-style: italic;">3) a Green Day poster (signed)</span><br /><br /><span style="font-style: italic;">I trust you to make up whatever for the other 5 nights. </span><br /><span style="font-style: italic;">Thanks, </span><br /><span style="font-style: italic;">Jeremy Burnbaum. </span><br />--------------------<br /><br />All I can say is yes, I remember Ellie and I pray I only gave her the gift of a itchy China and not Jeremy.J-Stachehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17548900502056317613noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6410352522267450533.post-66274125488389297132009-10-13T10:56:00.004-04:002009-10-13T11:05:35.045-04:00SAVAGE BITCHES AT THE BARS<a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/_HTZh7IwXkqU/StSW9E-r28I/AAAAAAAAAKY/h-hzDMHwwag/s1600-h/newspaper_press.jpg"><img style="margin: 0px auto 10px; display: block; text-align: center; cursor: pointer; width: 307px; height: 371px;" src="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/_HTZh7IwXkqU/StSW9E-r28I/AAAAAAAAAKY/h-hzDMHwwag/s400/newspaper_press.jpg" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5392100629922175938" border="0" /></a><br />When you're a celebrity, you have to be careful who you slide down the whiskey slide with. This is a lesson I've had to learn the hard way. Apparently, my Saturday night bar stool was beset with buggers...those little pencil scribblers who ask to buy you drinks only to ask you questions with their little tape recorder rolling. Here is the latest stuff I allegedly said:<br /><br /><a href="http://popdose.com/the-popdose-interview-j-stache/">FIND TRAITOROUS SLOP HERE!</a><br /><br />Whatever,<br />J-StacheJ-Stachehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17548900502056317613noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6410352522267450533.post-8343618705149836402009-10-06T11:30:00.002-04:002009-10-06T11:41:57.178-04:00GAYNESS IN WAITING<a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/_HTZh7IwXkqU/SstjBJ2GdpI/AAAAAAAAAKQ/QO1zkxIlimk/s1600-h/houston4.jpg"><img style="margin: 0px auto 10px; display: block; text-align: center; cursor: pointer; width: 400px; height: 324px;" src="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/_HTZh7IwXkqU/SstjBJ2GdpI/AAAAAAAAAKQ/QO1zkxIlimk/s400/houston4.jpg" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5389510250552784530" border="0" /></a>With all that yelling and spandex, can it be any wonder that the so many spates in sports breaks out into full man on man Brokeback-ed-ness? These macho men have been giving artsy types like me a hard time for decades. Why? Because musicians get all the high end ladies while the dudes in sweat socks try to hide their wood for Chip The Fullback.<br /><br />Deal with it.<br />J-Stache<br /><br />PS. I'm not saying these two photoed had a massive sword fight in the hotel room after the game...only that statistically speaking, it happening somewhere, most likely after a Mets game as the math goes.J-Stachehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17548900502056317613noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6410352522267450533.post-52440209612646191672009-10-02T10:25:00.002-04:002009-10-02T10:44:19.127-04:00ONLY FOR THE WEED<a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="http://americanmustacheinstitute.org/"><img style="margin: 0px auto 10px; display: block; text-align: center; cursor: pointer; width: 400px; height: 145px;" src="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/_HTZh7IwXkqU/SsYOL2YaPNI/AAAAAAAAAKI/Z_hejkRrVK4/s400/stache-banner09.jpg" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5388009600934624466" border="0" /></a><br />I need to make one thing abundantly clear: I AM ONLY DOING THIS FOR THE WEED. The sycophants at The American Mustache Institute, a collection of douche ticklers who should be sending me royalties for putting them on the map, are attempting to make up for the years they've been riding on my coat tails.<br /><br />Whatever.<br /><br />The promised me a fresh pound of Cali Med if I agree to some meeting with Oates at<a href="http://www.ticketmaster.com/venue/49674/?search_redirect=roberts%20orpheum&tm_link=tm_header_search/"> STACHE BASH 2009</a>. I'm also told that Oatesie will be making me whole on back payments from the go-go times.<br /><br />High-end high hookers. I ask you to descend on St. Louis for the weekend of October 30th. I will be holding and hungry. Thank you.<br /><br />Warmly,<br />J-Stache<br /><span style="text-decoration: underline;"><br /><br /></span>J-Stachehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17548900502056317613noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6410352522267450533.post-55658159741909135782009-09-23T11:08:00.003-04:002009-09-23T11:22:41.017-04:00THINGS ARE GETTING BETTER<a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/_HTZh7IwXkqU/Sro8S03gUkI/AAAAAAAAAJY/C4HRahe-wDM/s1600-h/hot-chick-wow4.jpg"><img style="display:block; margin:0px auto 10px; text-align:center;cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;width: 400px; height: 265px;" src="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/_HTZh7IwXkqU/Sro8S03gUkI/AAAAAAAAAJY/C4HRahe-wDM/s400/hot-chick-wow4.jpg" border="0" alt=""id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5384682598601609794" /></a><br /><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/_HTZh7IwXkqU/Sro8NHiS1AI/AAAAAAAAAJQ/55r2F8MnNik/s1600-h/Hot-Chick-of-the-Day-20.jpg"><img style="display:block; margin:0px auto 10px; text-align:center;cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;width: 267px; height: 400px;" src="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/_HTZh7IwXkqU/Sro8NHiS1AI/AAAAAAAAAJQ/55r2F8MnNik/s400/Hot-Chick-of-the-Day-20.jpg" border="0" alt=""id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5384682500533703682" /></a><br /><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/_HTZh7IwXkqU/Sro8JLvSQdI/AAAAAAAAAJI/BDb9xmEkx5M/s1600-h/hot_chick.jpg"><img style="display:block; margin:0px auto 10px; text-align:center;cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;width: 300px; height: 400px;" src="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/_HTZh7IwXkqU/Sro8JLvSQdI/AAAAAAAAAJI/BDb9xmEkx5M/s400/hot_chick.jpg" border="0" alt=""id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5384682432942457298" /></a>J-Stachehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17548900502056317613noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6410352522267450533.post-57810836380231596372009-09-21T11:00:00.002-04:002009-09-21T11:07:42.547-04:00THE MAGIC OF MOTHER NATURE<a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/_HTZh7IwXkqU/SreVeVUvFGI/AAAAAAAAAJA/lMScv2kVWhA/s1600-h/maggie-gyllenhaal-breast-feeding-01.jpg"><img style="display:block; margin:0px auto 10px; text-align:center;cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;width: 347px; height: 400px;" src="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/_HTZh7IwXkqU/SreVeVUvFGI/AAAAAAAAAJA/lMScv2kVWhA/s400/maggie-gyllenhaal-breast-feeding-01.jpg" border="0" alt=""id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5383936227897447522" /></a><br /><br />Can there be anything as noble and endearing as a mother and child locked in a Darwinian pose. Ah nature!<br /><br />Now, if the mama happens to be hot, shouldn't we support breast feeding in public?? Not only public, but how about a celeb show featuring sweet nips and the best feeding tables? Talking turkey with Moms and their giggle bits for a half hour?? I'd watch. <br /><br />I'm for Moms, <br />J-StacheJ-Stachehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17548900502056317613noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6410352522267450533.post-80452188559206114812009-09-11T15:24:00.003-04:002009-09-11T15:36:45.146-04:00DON'T EVER SHAVE YOUR COIN SAC!!!<a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/_HTZh7IwXkqU/Sqqkau9WRfI/AAAAAAAAAI4/fxQRhhE_2iU/s1600-h/electric_razor.jpg"><img style="display:block; margin:0px auto 10px; text-align:center;cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;width: 200px; height: 200px;" src="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/_HTZh7IwXkqU/Sqqkau9WRfI/AAAAAAAAAI4/fxQRhhE_2iU/s400/electric_razor.jpg" border="0" alt=""id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5380293484036376050" /></a><br /><br />I can say this will full confidence: DON'T EVER SHAVE YOU BALL SACK WITH A BATTERY-POWERED ELECTRIC RAZOR!!<br /><br />I was on my way to a "party". It had been a while since I took the dingle bits to the barber, so I figure why not pull some weeds. I grabbed my Oates Signature Series Electric Shave Master and WOW!<br /><br />I haven't been in pain like this since I did a <a href="http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Facesitting">queening</a> session with Rosie O. Thanks a lot Oates!!! This thing pulls 3 times more than it cuts. <br /><br />Chopped salad,<br />J-StacheJ-Stachehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17548900502056317613noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6410352522267450533.post-48324563100450405072009-09-10T10:40:00.006-04:002009-09-10T11:14:36.011-04:00TO THE NATURALS<a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/_HTZh7IwXkqU/SqkV4KDjXYI/AAAAAAAAAIw/ldnrKhrM91M/s1600-h/naturals.jpg"><img style="display:block; margin:0px auto 10px; text-align:center;cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;width: 294px; height: 400px;" src="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/_HTZh7IwXkqU/SqkV4KDjXYI/AAAAAAAAAIw/ldnrKhrM91M/s400/naturals.jpg" border="0" alt=""id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5379855284386880898" /></a><br /><br />I need to be clear. I thank science for giving us the technological breakthroughs that enable both this fancy internet shit and the wildly inappropriate DD implant. <br /><br />HOWEVER!<br /><br />I'm a natural minded mustache. I like that which is home grown. I celebrate the entire size shape of the natural spectrum. From The Tater Tot to The DD Forget-Me-Not, I want all you ladies to know that I'm looking at your natural breast with full affection. Not just for my own artistic interests, but in support for all that is womanly. <br /><br />I'm here for you and your natural breasts when you need me. <br /><br />J-StacheJ-Stachehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17548900502056317613noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6410352522267450533.post-37232375291016280372009-09-08T12:06:00.003-04:002009-09-08T12:31:14.963-04:00OF TEAT & DEWCLAW<a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/_HTZh7IwXkqU/SqaDn_A53uI/AAAAAAAAAIY/8ySd_LPEKKM/s1600-h/goat2.jpg"><img style="display:block; margin:0px auto 10px; text-align:center;cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;width: 400px; height: 286px;" src="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/_HTZh7IwXkqU/SqaDn_A53uI/AAAAAAAAAIY/8ySd_LPEKKM/s400/goat2.jpg" border="0" alt=""id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5379131527893999330" /></a><br /><br />I've come to know goats. <br />Oh escutcheon, oh pin bone, oh hock. <br />I've come to know goats.<br />Oh udder me not.<br />For I'm for whithers.<br />Over brisket and knee.<br />I've come to know goats.<br />May my goat know me. <br /><br />J-Stache<br />(come to find out, Rolaids do not diminish the effects of acid)J-Stachehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17548900502056317613noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6410352522267450533.post-64605484972997492482009-09-02T10:49:00.003-04:002009-09-02T10:55:20.912-04:00GOV. PATERSON GETS SWEET, FRESH & FUNKY!<a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/_HTZh7IwXkqU/Sp6GgwLFtzI/AAAAAAAAAIQ/4-E3DtEwKsw/s1600-h/patterson.jpg"><img style="display:block; margin:0px auto 10px; text-align:center;cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;width: 400px; height: 253px;" src="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/_HTZh7IwXkqU/Sp6GgwLFtzI/AAAAAAAAAIQ/4-E3DtEwKsw/s400/patterson.jpg" border="0" alt=""id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5376882902372300594" /></a><br /><br />SHIP TO SHORE. STOP. INFORM ALL OPERATIVES. STOP. THE ALLIED NETWORK OF ULTIMATE SECURITY (ANUS) IS A GO. STOP. PATERSON HAS TAKEN A STACHE. STOP.J-Stachehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17548900502056317613noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6410352522267450533.post-67228057246970617392009-08-27T10:56:00.002-04:002009-08-27T10:59:52.021-04:00MORE LESSONS IN SCISSORING<object width="425" height="344"><param name="movie" value="http://www.youtube.com/v/E_uQhi3P-vs&hl=en&fs=1&"></param><param name="allowFullScreen" value="true"></param><param name="allowscriptaccess" value="always"></param><embed src="http://www.youtube.com/v/E_uQhi3P-vs&hl=en&fs=1&" type="application/x-shockwave-flash" allowscriptaccess="always" allowfullscreen="true" width="425" height="344"></embed></object><br /><br />Some ladies need to a few sessions of wrestling to get into the act. This is to be celebrated and supported, providing you establish some easily recognizable "safe words" and plenty of lotion. <br /><br />Watching the wheels,<br />J-StacheJ-Stachehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17548900502056317613noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6410352522267450533.post-28566940559084625502009-08-25T10:06:00.004-04:002009-08-25T10:48:17.967-04:00SCISSORING: A BATTLE OF BUMPING<a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/_HTZh7IwXkqU/SpP1s3wydnI/AAAAAAAAAII/OkkhBJhggGQ/s1600-h/TribadismPost.gif"><img style="display:block; margin:0px auto 10px; text-align:center;cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;width: 400px; height: 316px;" src="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/_HTZh7IwXkqU/SpP1s3wydnI/AAAAAAAAAII/OkkhBJhggGQ/s400/TribadismPost.gif" border="0" alt=""id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5373908931614766706" /></a><br /><br />I happen to be very popular with the lesbian community. I didn't ask for the honor, but accept it willingly. Everybody needs a voice. They chose me homes, deal with it. <br /><br />I've received several questions from my readership over the last several days regarding my research in the field of tribbing (also known as scissoring amongst the lipstick lezentines). <br /><br />Despite the silly rumors, I never claimed to have invented scissoring. However, I can say that I've perfected its safe application. Gone are the "brush fire" days of the 70s when a disco bush could literally go up in flames from poorly executed clam sanding. <br /><br />I'll be holding an lecture series detailing advancements in scissoring over the past 20 years. All hot ladies 18-24 are welcomed to pre-purchase a seat in series for the low-low price of $56. Paypals and pictures to ridethemustache@gmail.com<br /><br />Bump-n-hump,<br />J-StacheJ-Stachehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17548900502056317613noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6410352522267450533.post-53707906642897863362009-08-21T10:48:00.002-04:002009-08-21T11:07:03.558-04:00LOVELY RITA!<a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/_HTZh7IwXkqU/So60TSAtR4I/AAAAAAAAAH4/isLfEvSIYxI/s1600-h/army_girls_03.jpg"><img style="display:block; margin:0px auto 10px; text-align:center;cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;width: 316px; height: 400px;" src="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/_HTZh7IwXkqU/So60TSAtR4I/AAAAAAAAAH4/isLfEvSIYxI/s400/army_girls_03.jpg" border="0" alt=""id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5372429648844900226" /></a><br /><br />Now, as most of your will readily admit, most militaristic chicks are bull dikes. That's not a knock against them in any way. Paunches, buzz cuts and over-sized diddle bits. I get it man. <br /><br />But every once and a while, a rogue wave comes through and clears the Indigo Girls off the deck. Support the troops I say, especially the rare hot chick in green. I'd recommend some <a href="http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Facesitting">QUEENING</a> and <a href="http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Boot_worship">BOOT WORSHIP</a><br /><br />Be loving but firm, <br />J-StacheJ-Stachehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17548900502056317613noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6410352522267450533.post-36146976976003566732009-08-18T11:02:00.002-04:002009-08-18T11:34:57.095-04:00FEIST...I WANT TO TAME YOUR SHREW<object width="425" height="344"><param name="movie" value="http://www.youtube.com/v/IcgfdtkcIW0&hl=en&fs=1&"></param><param name="allowFullScreen" value="true"></param><param name="allowscriptaccess" value="always"></param><embed src="http://www.youtube.com/v/IcgfdtkcIW0&hl=en&fs=1&" type="application/x-shockwave-flash" allowscriptaccess="always" allowfullscreen="true" width="425" height="344"></embed></object><br /><br />Feist has me unable to pen poems. Too much beauty. She's left me on Dylan's door, pining for refuge in her Great White North. Fiest...let's make hairy babies who can rip harmonies and write hits. <br /><br />Go for Bob:<br /><br />The drunken politician leaps<br />And the saviors who are fast asleep,<br />They wait for you.<br />And i wait for them to interrupt<br />Me drinkin' from my broken cup<br />Open up the gate for you.<br />I want you, I want you,<br />I want you so bad,<br />Honey, I want you. <br /><br />At your service Leslie,<br />J-StacheJ-Stachehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17548900502056317613noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6410352522267450533.post-70171352938089372122009-08-17T10:40:00.003-04:002009-08-17T11:01:11.824-04:00FUPA: THE PAIN OF PREJUDICE<a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/_HTZh7IwXkqU/SolsHS7AeoI/AAAAAAAAAHw/U3-0z_MYmx4/s1600-h/FUPA.gif"><img style="display:block; margin:0px auto 10px; text-align:center;cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;width: 400px; height: 297px;" src="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/_HTZh7IwXkqU/SolsHS7AeoI/AAAAAAAAAHw/U3-0z_MYmx4/s400/FUPA.gif" border="0" alt=""id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5370942903210244738" /></a><br /><br />I'm loathe to turn my personal recovery journal into a place for polemics. But sometimes, you've got to take a stand for what is right. You've got to fight power with a fist full of love. Ghandi. MLK Jr. J-Stache. Still we march on.<br /><br />Now. Many of you scum sucking prick fucks have cast Jessica Simpson out of the hot chick caste because she has grown a gunt, or as I was raised to refer to this fatty deposit atop the pubic region, a FUPA. <br /><br />You lazy bastards. Just because you have to go over the hill and down the valley to get into Jessica's garage these days doesn't mean she's no longer hot. In fact, most of my top lays were <a href="http://ridethemustache.blogspot.com/2009/04/me-and-rosiefor-springtime-and-lovers.html">full-figured gals</a>. <br /><br />STOP FUPA PREJUDICE TODAY! WRITE YOUR CONGRESSMAN, OUR FUPA WEARING CONGRESSWOMAN, AND STOP THE GUNTIST REGIME IN ITS TRACKS!! <br /><br />Fight the power,<br />J-StacheJ-Stachehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17548900502056317613noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6410352522267450533.post-72362598768655352232009-08-13T12:18:00.003-04:002009-08-13T12:38:50.016-04:00PAINTING MY WAY BACK<a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/_HTZh7IwXkqU/SoQ9aDjP2ZI/AAAAAAAAAHo/reZGviJMc88/s1600-h/big_balls_std.jpg"><img style="display:block; margin:0px auto 10px; text-align:center;cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;width: 400px; height: 398px;" src="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/_HTZh7IwXkqU/SoQ9aDjP2ZI/AAAAAAAAAHo/reZGviJMc88/s400/big_balls_std.jpg" border="0" alt=""id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5369484173571512722" /></a><br /><br />Dr. Sucio Sanchez has me painting again. I'm supposed to free associate images to take my mind off the pills and booze. Get connected to my creativity. Sharpen the senses. <br /><br />As you might expect, I'm something of a genius with the brush. But I don't do pantie waist landscapes. Fuck you. I get into the heart of the matter. Down in the gutter with the hustlers and jesters. Jam a stick down. Pump in some truth. <br /><br />This piece expresses the duality of man. We're naked and muscled with nothing but choice and chance to make our way. Dr. Sanchez suggested this had some homoerotic undertones. Frankly, I can't see how. <br /><br />Wondering what will be,<br />J-StacheJ-Stachehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17548900502056317613noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6410352522267450533.post-89110686016243317772009-08-12T09:50:00.002-04:002009-08-12T10:13:04.289-04:00EXPERIMENTAL METHODS: QUITTING VICODIN<object width="425" height="344"><param name="movie" value="http://www.youtube.com/v/4gGAzJNBNcg&hl=en&fs=1&"></param><param name="allowFullScreen" value="true"></param><param name="allowscriptaccess" value="always"></param><embed src="http://www.youtube.com/v/4gGAzJNBNcg&hl=en&fs=1&" type="application/x-shockwave-flash" allowscriptaccess="always" allowfullscreen="true" width="425" height="344"></embed></object><br /><br />I've been battling the dragon friends. Dr. Sucio Sanchez has me doing the journal again. We've been working on some experimental methods for quitting that bitch. Here are a couple of suggestions for when the urge to pop a vikki-tikki-tock gets beyond the normal shrill:<br /><br />1. Pay a midget to wire scrub your taint<br />2. Find a midget demented enough to wire scrub your taint for free, make a friend for life<br />3. Watch this video on Vicodin and get a contact buzz from the calming affect of Ms. Thing-Thang's voice. Works best with midget present. <br /><br />I'm hoping we flesh these out a bit more over the next couple of sessions. <br /><br />IT WORKS, SO KEEP WORKING IT!<br />J-StacheJ-Stachehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17548900502056317613noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6410352522267450533.post-8372957608898175592009-08-06T10:08:00.003-04:002009-08-06T10:36:39.425-04:00SAVING RELATIONSHIPS ONE POKE AT A TIME<a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/_HTZh7IwXkqU/SnrmionLh6I/AAAAAAAAAHY/m5_TedC3A6Q/s1600-h/cloneawillykit-ia-5-ib-5421_1097230-600x600.jpg"><img style="display:block; margin:0px auto 10px; text-align:center;cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;width: 400px; height: 400px;" src="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/_HTZh7IwXkqU/SnrmionLh6I/AAAAAAAAAHY/m5_TedC3A6Q/s400/cloneawillykit-ia-5-ib-5421_1097230-600x600.jpg" border="0" alt=""id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5366855388657059746" /></a><br />I've received a landslide of emails from boyfriends & husbands over the past 2 weeks. These poor fellows are in relationships with ladies who can't seem to find satisfaction without a tickle from yours truly. I've done a couple of house calls and can proudly say I've save some marriages. <br /><br />But I can only pound these tier two chicks so much. For fuck sake man, I'm famous. <br /><br />Fear not, I have a solution. For those still needing my services, send $1,796.99 via PayPal to ridethemustache@gmail.com. I will send you a hand-made cast of my man hammer. And, I'll signed it free of charge (rare). I've contracted services from the good folks at "Clone-A-Willy", so you rest assured, we're talking a quality dong. <br /><br />For an additional $447, I'll include an audio tape of me talking shit to your lady which, of course, you can play while vigorously plunging away with my signature series faux-cock. <br /><br />At your service,<br />J-StacheJ-Stachehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17548900502056317613noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6410352522267450533.post-45770376041782874452009-08-03T10:43:00.003-04:002009-08-03T11:11:20.681-04:00REAL STACHES V. DILL BAGS<a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/_HTZh7IwXkqU/Snb6IKqtxEI/AAAAAAAAAHQ/UNeLMskDqcY/s1600-h/dr-phil.jpg"><img style="display:block; margin:0px auto 10px; text-align:center;cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;width: 320px; height: 320px;" src="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/_HTZh7IwXkqU/Snb6IKqtxEI/AAAAAAAAAHQ/UNeLMskDqcY/s400/dr-phil.jpg" border="0" alt=""id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5365751024267936834" /></a><br /><br />I'm organizing The Million Mustache March. We must spring into action in the face of coin sack douche cakes like Dr. Phil who, with the smug little lip dusters, are giving ass-kickin', panty-poppin', man-hammer-swingin', rock-n-soul-shakin' REAL MUSTACHES out there like me a bad name. <br /><br />Meet up tonight. 11:59PM. Look to the skies for my sign...some straight Soc v. Greasers rumbleness bitches. <br /><br /><br />Doing it for Johnny, <br />J-StacheJ-Stachehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17548900502056317613noreply@blogger.com0