THE MAGIC OF MOTHER NATURE

Can there be anything as noble and endearing as a mother and child locked in a Darwinian pose. Ah nature!

Now, if the mama happens to be hot, shouldn't we support breast feeding in public?? Not only public, but how about a celeb show featuring sweet nips and the best feeding tables? Talking turkey with Moms and their giggle bits for a half hour?? I'd watch.

I'm for Moms,
J-Stache

DON'T EVER SHAVE YOUR COIN SAC!!!

I can say this will full confidence: DON'T EVER SHAVE YOU BALL SACK WITH A BATTERY-POWERED ELECTRIC RAZOR!!

I was on my way to a "party". It had been a while since I took the dingle bits to the barber, so I figure why not pull some weeds. I grabbed my Oates Signature Series Electric Shave Master and WOW!

I haven't been in pain like this since I did a queening session with Rosie O. Thanks a lot Oates!!! This thing pulls 3 times more than it cuts.

Chopped salad,
J-Stache

TO THE NATURALS

I need to be clear. I thank science for giving us the technological breakthroughs that enable both this fancy internet shit and the wildly inappropriate DD implant.

HOWEVER!

I'm a natural minded mustache. I like that which is home grown. I celebrate the entire size shape of the natural spectrum. From The Tater Tot to The DD Forget-Me-Not, I want all you ladies to know that I'm looking at your natural breast with full affection. Not just for my own artistic interests, but in support for all that is womanly.

I'm here for you and your natural breasts when you need me.

J-Stache

OF TEAT & DEWCLAW

I've come to know goats.
Oh escutcheon, oh pin bone, oh hock.
I've come to know goats.
Oh udder me not.
For I'm for whithers.
Over brisket and knee.
I've come to know goats.
May my goat know me.

J-Stache
(come to find out, Rolaids do not diminish the effects of acid)

GOV. PATERSON GETS SWEET, FRESH & FUNKY!

SHIP TO SHORE. STOP. INFORM ALL OPERATIVES. STOP. THE ALLIED NETWORK OF ULTIMATE SECURITY (ANUS) IS A GO. STOP. PATERSON HAS TAKEN A STACHE. STOP.

MORE LESSONS IN SCISSORING

Some ladies need to a few sessions of wrestling to get into the act. This is to be celebrated and supported, providing you establish some easily recognizable "safe words" and plenty of lotion.

Watching the wheels,
J-Stache

SCISSORING: A BATTLE OF BUMPING

I happen to be very popular with the lesbian community. I didn't ask for the honor, but accept it willingly. Everybody needs a voice. They chose me homes, deal with it.

I've received several questions from my readership over the last several days regarding my research in the field of tribbing (also known as scissoring amongst the lipstick lezentines).

Despite the silly rumors, I never claimed to have invented scissoring. However, I can say that I've perfected its safe application. Gone are the "brush fire" days of the 70s when a disco bush could literally go up in flames from poorly executed clam sanding.

I'll be holding an lecture series detailing advancements in scissoring over the past 20 years. All hot ladies 18-24 are welcomed to pre-purchase a seat in series for the low-low price of $56. Paypals and pictures to ridethemustache@gmail.com

Bump-n-hump,
J-Stache