POPDOSE SAYS "RUN J-STACHE, RUN IS THE SINGLE BEST...VIDEO GAME I'VE EVER PLAYED IN MY LIFE"

WORD BITCHES!!! CHECK IT OUT HERE: POPDOSE

BE A SMOKER, DON'T HIRE ONE

While I was "away", the nitwits at my company made a HR video that helps indoctrinate new hires at J-Stache Industries. For the record, I did not approve putting more deadbeats on the payroll and I certainly would not have given gigs to another crop of buckethead weed-ies like these bums. Remember kids, everybody love burnouts and all but nobody wants one working for them. Congratulations on your scholarship to F.U. Enjoy:

J-Stache Industries - watch more funny videos

HEY BANKER CHICKS! FLASH ME SOME LADY LUMPS!

I was totally in the Wall Street Journal today. And not like last time, where those savage bastards profiled the demise of my experimental fertilizer company after a small methane accident.

This time, I'm all inked up over making Oates famous for like the 300th time. HEY OATES!! No box of chocolate? No emails?

Anyway, check my shit out bitches! WALL STREET JOURNAL PIMPAGE

Yes I'm out of the joint

Yes. It's true. I was arrested for dumping out in P.Diddy's cornflakes at the SLS Hotel in LA around Christmas. Yes, I now know what a Columbian Plate Job is. Yes, you don't want to know. Chino is a motherfucker for sure

I am back. I have several big swinging dick announcements to make that will definitely smash on your grill. Stay tuned.

J-Stache, over.

STEVEN TYLER IS THE RAINBOW...AGAIN!!!!

Your welcome bitches. I just put AMERICA'S-MOST-BAD-ASSED-PANTY-DROPPINIST-COLD-SMACKING-FOOLS-WORD-UP-MOFUCKY band in all the land back together. Yes. J-Stache, once again, not only starting the fire but smoking the bacon that saves your breakfast. All it took was a few sips of my special sauce and Steven was The Rainbow again. I expect my Rock n' Roll Hall of Fame nod imminently.

Back in that saddle suckas,
J-Stache

THE DANGERS OF DUNGEONS & DRAGONS

I can't stress this enough, nerds need to be isolated and shamed into coolness. When they get into groups, they spend all kinds of time making homemade superhero costumes, hoping it will translate into nailing their Molly Ringwald inspired crush. This is painfully untrue. Nerd collectives only empower their douchey instincts. And there has been no greater perpetrator of nerd gatherings than Dungeons & Dragons. Do what you can to save these pale future lab rats from a life of celibate desperation. Go to the closet and banish those board games to the garbage.

I care about us,
J-Stache

ELLIE BURNBAUM & HER SON JEREMY

TRANSLATION:
------------
Dear J-Stache,

My Mom says you gave here a special gift...so I'm writing to you with my Hanukkah list. Thanks!

1) $100 savings bond
2) Super Bots Lego
3) a Green Day poster (signed)

I trust you to make up whatever for the other 5 nights.
Thanks,
Jeremy Burnbaum.
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All I can say is yes, I remember Ellie and I pray I only gave her the gift of a itchy China and not Jeremy.